Scoured by relentless headwinds, with roads that either snake up impossibly steep mountains or connect scruffy towns separated by almost unimagineable distances, the Republic of Anaerobia is a nation few seem to care to visit. In fact, the Republic is a completely inhospitable nation for the sport of cycling -- but of course we find it perfect for training our National Cycling Team.
Adherents to the Anaerobian Way are scattered far and wide ... it exists as a state of mind that only the devoted care to endure, for it requires breathtaking effort. Basically, the Republic is a place where suffering begets a transient but unmistakable ecstasy.
Traits of the Anaerobian include persistence and the insatiably quixotic desire to explore the boundaries of the Republic. Talent is not a prerequisite - only an appetite for the journey is necessary. For Anaerobians, the pain is the reward.
Veni, Vidi, Vomiti
The proud motto of the Anaerobian motherland is emblazoned on each garment.
The Republic of Anaerobia is right on the border of Paraguay and Bulgaria. Most world maps published today fail to show the Republic.
Little Known Anaerobian Facts:
• Karl Marx had a resting heart rate of 36
• Lenin was a promising racer before the revolution, winning several minor kermesses in Belgium
• Stalin owned 7 bicycles but never rode any of them.
• Boris Yeltsin always put vodka in his water bottles which perhaps explains why his longest ride was no more than 2 kilometres.
• In the 1960s, before his days at the KGB, Vladimir Putin was an assistant Directeur Sportiv for Molteni.
Next: Gearheart
The Republic of Anaerobia National Team
Jersey and Team
Cycling Cap
Now is your your chance to wear the national team jersey and cap worn by so many greats in the annals of the vaunted republic: Barfolini, DeBonque and Oopgegaven. Jersey Made of Aries Micro Plus sublimated fabric, the blood red dyes used in the manufacture of this garment will last until the Republic shall rise again. 3/4 length hidden zipper, 3 roomy pockets on the back for all your paperback-sized propaganda. Designed and Manufactured in California (cap photo and information below). Comes with a mess of Republic of Anaerobia temporary tattoos (which were made in Arizona since you were wondering). Jersey and Cap: $77.
Unsure of your size? Click here
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The Republic of Anaerobia Team Cycling Cap
We'll sell you the cap alone of course if you wish.
When you ride in the rain, hail, blistering sunshine, or just want to look like you do, don our cycling cap. Classic dimensions and light, breathable cotton fabric will keep you on the top step of the podium for years. Good news, komrade: One size fits all. Designed and Manufactured in California.
$11.
The Republic of Anaerobia Team Socks
You wear these and you're telling the world you laugh at gale-force headwinds and 27% gradients. Two sizes: SM (men's size 5-9, women's 6-10, euro 37-42) and LG (men's size 9-13, women's 10-14, euro 43-48). 4" cuff. Acrylic, nylon, spandex. Made by Sock Guy in the USA. $11.
Republic of Anaerobia Water Bottle
The Saturn V water bottle, regular size (21 oz). The spray of corpuscles on the side of the bottle is alone enough to intimidate those who struggle to follow in your wake. Made in USA. $6.
The Complete Republic of Anaerobia National Team Kit!
Jersey, one cap, two bottles, one pair of socks. Komrade: Vat are you vaitink for?
$95